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Just ‘coffee’ is boring!
Earlier, guys asked girls out for “dinner” for the first date.
That became common after a while.
Then guys started asking girls out for “coffee”.
Coffee was better than dinner, it takes less time, it’s less expensive,
and appears less needy (if a man will commit an entire evening and buy dinner for a girl he barely knows, he must be lonely or desperate).
But now, coffee has become common too.
Today if you ask a hot girl out for coffee you could lose points for lack of originality.
So what should you do to be different and display high value?
Here’s what I do.
I tell her that I am going to do an activity and she can join me.
Example :
Me: “I am going to check out the Cyrus Cylinder exhibition, you want to come along?”
She: Blah, blah
Me: “We can walk around and chat at the same time. And if you turn out to be boring I can focus on the exhibition.” (said with a smile)
She: Blah, blah
Me: “You can hold my hand as we browse, if you insist. But just for 5 minutes, because I hardly know you!”
In fact, this happened just today morning. And she was the one who suggested coffee. Here’s how the texting went.
She: “You want to meet for coffee tomorrow?”
Me: Â “Coffee? Boring. *yawn*”
Me: “You need to think of more original ideas than coffee or this
relationship will not work out :(“
She: “Ok, so what do you want to do? :)”
Me: “Lazy bum…I have to think of everything!”
Me: “Ok, I am going to check out the Cyrus Cylinder exhibition on Tuesday 5 pm, come with me.”
The gyaan behind the technique
When you say no to coffee, but invite her to an activity you’re planning to do anyway, here’s what it communicates to her:
- “I am a busy man, my time is precious, my calendar is full.”
—————— - “I am not yet sure you’re worth spending dedicated time with
at a coffee shop. Let’s hang out, prove to me that you are a cool chick, then perhaps dedicated coffee time may happen.”
—————— - “I am always out, doing stuff, exploring, living an active life.”
—————— - “I can meet you on Tuesday at 5 pm if you join me for an activity I am already planning to do. If you prove to me you’re a cool girl, maybe next time I will plan an activity just for the two of us. But if you turn out to be boring, I will politely say goodbye to you after the event and not call you again.”
It need not even be some fancy event. You could just say “Hey, I am going to pick up a shirt tomorrow. Come with me.”
Even if you don’t buy the shirt, and just do some window-shopping, that’s fine, as long as she feels she joined you for an activity you had planned for yourself, and not for her.
After the event, you could say “Hey, I have 15 minutes free, let’s do a quick coffee.” Now you’re doing the coffee that you wanted in the first place. 🙂 But in her mind, the coffee happened ‘by chance’, it wasn’t planned especially for her.
Note: This girl wanted to meet me tomorrow. If I had agreed, it’d show I am available even at short notice, which means I don’t have a busy life, which means I must be a low-value male. Not good. So I give her a date a few days later. Btw, I am really not free tomorrow, because I am meeting a friend. But even if I was free, I would not meet her tomorrow, definitely not for the first date. I would fake it and pretend I am busy tomorrow. Fake it till you make it. 😉
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