Question from reader : “I kissed her on the first date, now I’m scared of the second date!”

———–

Question from reader :

I had my First date end with kisses, I sent her a message next day saying, “I know it was late but…but hope everything is ok today. Hey, just want to say I had an excellent time. If u ever need anything or some1 to talk to, I am always here.”

I got a reply, “Thanks, I had gr8 time last night too  🙂 and thanks for the offer but i need someone to talk to on a date…so when are we going out next??” After a couple of more msgs, second date is scheduled on coming friday. Everything is happening fast. I m confused.

– Sagar, pune

——–

——-

***My response***

When a girl gets physical on the first date she often regrets it later.

She hopes she did not come across as too easy or fast. She wonders if the guy lost
respect for her. She usually does not have a good feeling about it the next day.

But you sent her a sweet and respectful message the following day. This calmed
her doubts, relaxed her and she had a good feeling about you.

But I want to warn you. Perhaps you are getting TOO sweet and respectable,
which might make her see you as just-a-friend and not as a lover.

Your message to her said, “If u ever need anything or some1 to talk to, I am always here.”

There are 3 reasons why this was not a great message to send:
————— 

  1. It’s too serious, there’s no fun
    Your entire message is too serious and sentimental. It’s not fun.
    Girls want to have fun, they want to be with people who are fun, they want to
    get f**ked by guys who are fun. And one sure way to make it fun for a girl is to
    tease her about something. You could have sent her a message like,
    “Hey, stop thinking about me so much and focus on your work”
    —–
    ——
  2. You’re going backwards instead of forward
    You’ve already kissed her. Now you need to escalate towards sex.
    She doesn’t need someone “to talk to”. She wants someone who will take her
    and f*ck her hard. Sure, women love a great conversation. But they love it
    even MORE with a man who knows how to take her and f*ck her hard. Even if
    you want to date her, marry her or get into a relationship with her, focus first
    on having sex with her.
    ————–
    Btw, did you notice that she replied “thanks for the offer but I need someone
    to talk to on a date”.     Ha, ha, she does not want someone to talk to. She was
    following your lead. When you’re being the good boy who wants to “talk”, how
    could she be the slutty bitch who wants to f*ck. You took things backwards, and
    she followed you. If you had taken things forward, she would have followed you.
    Remember, man leads and woman follows.
    ————
    So how do you take things forward to sex? Just because you kissed her, it does not
    mean sex is the next step! You have to build comfort first.  Remember the 5 steps
    of the mating dance. Sex can almost never happen without some comfort first.
    Show her that you’re a fun guy, so she will be comfortable opening up, and seduction
    will be easier.
    ——–
    ————————
  3. Women are not attracted to men who are “always there”
    Anything that’s easily available has no value. Never tell a woman “I am always
    there for you”. It shows that you have nothing going on in your life that keeps
    you busy. This is not attractive. Women want a man who is busy leading an
    active life and who is in fact, not always there for her.
    ———–

You sent her a weak message, but she still responded because there could be
other things about you she may be attracted to. Or maybe she’s a low-value
woman who does not have options with men and is easy to attract. Or maybe
you’re a damn good kisser. 😉

————-

Also you say, “…second date is scheduled on coming friday. Everything is
happening fast. I m confused”

You’re afraid you might screw up.

Only when we want something badly are we afraid we might screw up.

The solution : don’t want it badly.

Don’t put all your hopes on one woman.

There are lakhs of women like her in your city, no matter where you live.

In fact there are women hotter than her right down the street.

The only way to reduce this anxiety about losing a woman is to keep approaching
multiple women and take things forward to sex.

At any given time, you should have at least 3 to 4 women that you are texting and/or meeting.

This way you won’t care too much about what happens with any ONE particular woman.

Here are my tips for your Friday date :
———–

  1. You kissed her on the first date, which already puts you far ahead of most guys.
    You’re already doing good. Now just go and have fun. Don’t treat the date like an
    interview where you have to win her approval. Instead treat it as if you’re
    interviewing her and SHE has to do all the right things or lose points. Example :
    As soon as you see her, go “Oh my God, is this the hottest dress you could find?
    Where’s the cleavage? Minus 10 points (then shake your head in mock disappointment
    as you enter the coffee shop and say) I don’t think this relationship is going to work out.”
    If she is a high quality woman, she’ll love it. If she is low self-esteem and gets upset,
    you can always say, “Hey come on, I was just teasing (then act as if you’re taking notes
    on your palm) Ok, she doesn’t have a sense of humor, minus 5 points” and then continue
    as if nothing’s the matter. Don’t focus on impressing her. Focus on having fun.
    For more ideas get the PocketPua.
    ——–
  2.  She kissed you on the first date, so there is already some attraction. That’s great.
    Now build on it, by teasing her. Don’t give too many compliments. The ratio of
    teasing : compliments should be 90 : 10.
    ——–
  3. Have a no-big-deal mindset. Whatever happens, treat it as no big deal. It’s very
    attractive to women.

 


———

Got a dating question? Click here

———