Reader’s query : “I like this girl in my office. How to ask her out?”

Question from reader :

I like this girl in my office. She is been in my company since a couple months and is on client site mostly. When she is in office, she sits besides me and we do have a good conversation. I am her senior and she keeps asking me any technical doubt etc. there are other team members that work under me sitting in the same place. I don’t have the girl’s number. I want to ask her out but afraid of screwing things up. I have no experience of asking any girl out till now and I being 29 now is putting me under psychological pressure. please suggest how to proceed to get her number and ask her out. – Sameer, Mumbai

***Brief response***

Before you ask a girl out, she should want you to ask her out.

***Detailed response***

Why should she go out with you? Why YOU?

Just because you are MALE? 

There is no shortage of males in this country. In fact there is an excess.

She can find a million men to take her out.

Many of them better looking and richer than you.

They will pay for the dinner, buy her expensive gifts, pay for the
movie and if she is up for sex, they’ll happily take her home (or to
a hotel).

So why should she choose YOU?

Just because you are her SENIOR?

Your boss is senior to you.

Why shouldn’t she go out with your boss?

I assure you, he is equally interested in getting inside her pants.

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Just because she TALKS to you? 

In your mail you say “we have a good conversation”.

What do you talk about? How do you respond to the things
she says? Do you tease her? Do you keep her guessing about
whether you like her or not?

Just talking is not enough.

You have to talk the language of attraction.

 

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Understand the way women think.

When you ask a girl out, her first thought is “He wants to f**k me”.

Her next thought is…

“If he wants to f**k me, it means he does not have a girl already.
Why doesn’t he have a girl? Is there something wrong with him? Does
he have a disease? Is he is a loser? I don’t want to f**k a loser!”

Or she thinks…

“He wants to f**k me? Ugly me???!!! Me, who has acne? Me, whose
left breast is slightly larger than her right breast? Me, whose butt is too
big/small? Oh my God, if he is attracted to someone like ME, he must
be desperate. I don’t want to f**k a desperado!“

You have to ask her out in a way that does not make her
think the above thoughts.

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The right way to ask a girl out

Before you ask her out, an important thing must happen.

She should get the impression that you are already
having so much fun and excitement in your life that
you don’t need her.

Read that again.

Clear?

Now how do you make that happen?

STEP 1 : In your office conversations, describe the exciting
things you do after work, the fun places you visit. Share this
with everybody around (not just with her) even with the guys.
Talk about the exciting things you plan to do that weekend.

Note : Visiting your sister, shopping for groceries and going to
McDonalds is NOT ‘exciting’. It should be something unique,
adventurous, dangerous, exclusive.

Of course, NEVER ask her to go out with you. Remember : you
are already having fun without her, you don’t need her.

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STEP 2 : After a few such conversations, ask casually if she
would like to join you, but express doubt if she will fit in.

Examples :

“I am going to this Salsa social at xyz on Friday. I could
have taken you along, but…umm…can you dress hot?”

or

“I am going for this xyz movie. You can come along if
you promise to behave yourself.”

Of course, you say this with mock seriousness, she should
know you’re teasing her. She should enjoy it.

Let her qualify herself.

Let her express that she is willing to do what is required to
hang out with you.

Only then, ask her out.

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Got a dating question? Click here

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